“Why do you like trees, granddad?” said the small boy.
The old man sat down in the armchair by the Christmas tree and smiled: “That’s where our petrol comes from. When I was a small boy, we had trams running back and forth on every street. To go surfing, I’d ride the tram down to the railway line, ride the train into Wellington, tram-hop from Thorndon to Hataitai Beach to ride the break over the old airport. You could hop on or off, anytime, anywhere. Trains and trams shuttled back and forth, day and night, at six kph. It took seven or eights hours each way, depending on the trams.”
“Why so slow, granddad?” said the boy, sitting cross-legged under the tree.
“The government said it was unnatural to go faster. High speed was bad for us.”
“Yesterday I went 95 on my bike, downhill. My guts didn’t fall out.”
The old man laughed: “It was really because trams and trains can’t stop, especially in the wet. Steel wheels on steel rails. No friction worth a g.
“The trams would shuttle back and forth, bristling with robot arms waving about like hordes of drunken Hiabs, delivering mail and groceries, loading and unloading wheelchair and mobility scooter users, moving stray pets and children out of the way, collecting rubbish and recycling, mowing verges, trimming trees, sweeping streets, collecting lawn clippings and fallen leaves and dead cats and random biomass for the hydrothermal power stations. At the railway, the robot arms transferred freight and disabled passengers between trams and trains.
“Security cameras in the trams continuously uploaded mugshots for analysis by the Department of Social Homogenisation’s computers, to make sure the tram-using population accurately reflected national demographics: gender, race, age, disability status, social affiliation, BMI, dental inventory, tattoo density and content, shoe preference, PPP…”
The boy screwed up his face: “PPP?”
“Personal piercing profile.”
“What changed?” said the boy.
“The coal ran out. Trains and trams wear out shiploads of steel wheels and rails. The steel came from countries where, according to international climate treaties, carbon dioxide from coal-fired steel mills did not cause climate change. In those days, New Zealand had seven million hectares of energy forests producing wood for biomass-fired power stations, plus wave-power stations all around the coast and a vast fleet of tidal turbines under Cook Strait.
“New Zealand Rail revived an old steel mill near Auckland, using hard dry lignin from hydrothermal power stations, instead of natural coal.
“They could only make enough lignin for the local market. Without the export coal trade, New Zealand Rail went bankrupt.
“The Energy Department converted some biomass-fired power stations to make renewable petrol and diesel. A group of former railway engineers found an HQ Monaro in a container hidden in a forest on Motiti Island. They built a factory and knocked out a couple of million copies, using steel from melted down wave power generators, railway wheels, and rails. Some other railway engineers founded Southern Trucks. And a group of boat-builders came out of retirement to help build the network of earthquake-proof, fibre-reinforced-plastic four and six-lane motorways we enjoy today.
“What about the rest of the energy forests?” said the boy.
“Didn’t need them. Some have been left to go back to native forest, and others have been converted to farmland. But we still have more than enough for all our renewable petrol, diesel, and aviation fuel.”
The boy leaned forward and stared intensely into the old man’s eyes: “Granddad,” he said.“Why didn’t they do that in the first place?”
“My grandfather’s generation unwittingly elected a government of autophobes. Autophobia wasn’t always considered a psychiatric condition. Back in your great-great-grandpa’s day, it was considered a virtue. By the time he died, they’d phased out road transport.”
“Über-Fail!” shouted the boy, leaping up and knocking a shock-pink bauble off the Christmas tree.
Merry Christmas!
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If you like this blog, be sure to put a wrapped copy of From Smoke to Mirrors under your tree for someone you love. Don’t forget to check back in the New Year for more practical information about totally eliminating greenhouse emissions from fossil liquid fuels.